*For the purpose of this post my fiancé, who helped me write this post, will provide his concerns and frustrations for the “inside the home” viewpoint, but his thoughts and our eventual plan could be applied to anyone who lives with you and helps you out frequently.* A service dog will change the life of their new handler, and the lives of everyone close to the handler. You may be thinking, well that’s silly — the dog is for the handler, and only their life will change. It’s a reasonable thought. It’s a perfectly understandable thought. It’s exactly what we thought. And we were wrong. The focus of this post will be on how living with a service dog directly changes the life of our spouses, partners, and in some cases, parents. Just as you can’t throw a pebble into a pond without it making ripples, you cannot make the decision to get a service dog without realizing (and accepting) that your decision will impact others. I am in no way trying to discourage anyone from getting a service dog for their CRPS if they truly believe a service dog will be beneficial, but I do want to give a voice to our spouses/partners/parents because they will be a part of your service dog team, even if they don’t realize it yet. I have CRPS full body. There are days when the pain is so unbearable that all I want to do is curl up in bed and not move. Robbie in my life means that at least 3x a day I must get up and take him outside, which is good for both of us. Additionally, I try to do things with him a little bit every day. No treatment has worked on me, and the medication I have really only takes the edge off. For the most part, anything I do requires me to grit my teeth and just do it. When my fiancé is home I will ask for help when I need it, but mostly I try to still be independent where I can be. Please keep in mind that what I write here is only to give insight, not to dictate. I understand this experience will be different for everyone and some may need more help than others. Our spouses love us, and may not feel like they can really say how they feel about the service dog or their concerns, so this post is meant to help them speak up, encourage conversation between yourselves, and give a peek into what your other half may be thinking. I encourage all of you reading this to open up the floor for a discussion about a service dog, either future or current, and give your spouse a chance to express their feelings about it all without it being a trap. Open communication will make you stronger as a team, even if initial thoughts and words sting a bit. ***All paragraphs from here on written from my fiance's point of view*** Our Initial Thoughts About Training a Service Dog
Notice a pattern here? We were both convinced that because the service dog was for Sally, that that meant I would have no or very little part in the dog’s life. This was a poor assumption.
Adam's Frustrations About Training & Living With a Service Dog*Some of these listed below are shared frustrations* Since we lived together and Sally often needs help with daily activities, we already knew that I would have to be involved with the training process. What we did not realize was just how in depth my participation would be, as required by the professional trainer assisting us.
Forgetting that I can’t correct Robbie for doing typical “bad dog” behavior such as grabbing things off the floor that aren’t for dogs, because we have to always encourage Robbie to pick up strange objects and praise him for it, has been really hard for me. Working dogs come with special rules — allowed to put paws on walls or doors, pick up random objects, be allowed on a hospital bed, being in the cab of the truck without being in a crate, and more — and sometimes it’s hard to fight the instinct to correct the dog.
Our Arrangement Regarding Robbie's Daily CareDevising a plan that both people agree to will help you and your loved one figure out the best way to incorporate a service dog into your life without it's presence completely destroying your relationship and sanity.
As you can see, for the most part, Robbie is Sally's responsibility, even when she doesn't feel good. In our opinion that is part of the package deal of choosing to work with a service dog. Now that Robbie is on to learning the rest of his tasks, there are more things that he can do to help Sally that I don't have to, such as helping her walk to the bathroom, helping to do laundry, preventing falls, and more. Robbie does not completely negate the need for my help, but he does take some of the load off of my shoulders. I strongly feel that every couple considering a service dog should talk about it in depth before making the decision together. Especially if your spouse plans on owner-training, you will be very involved in the training and will probably get very stressed out in the process. Even if they obtain a program dog, you still will be involved in the dog’s life in some fashion and should be aware of this ahead of time. Therefore, its good to discuss everything openly. Check out Sally's other posts on (what to expect, etc) for talking points. Make a chart like the one above to lay out each person’s roles in the dog’s life. Establishing guidelines can help prevent disagreements later on. How I Feel When I Have to Do More than Usual with RobbieI've learned to expect the unexpected when you live with and love someone with a chronic illness. There are plenty of times where Sally has a setback, a bad flare, or needs to recover from a medical procedure, leaving me as Robbie's primary handler and with way more responsibility than I necessarily want. *Keep in mind that our unusual mountain of responsibilities may very well be someone else’s normal day.* For Example... When Sally has dental work done, it usually takes her about a month to recover due to the pain from the actual work and jaw exhaustion. Suddenly, my responsibilities go through the roof. Sally needs to be given medication at certain times, she needs help getting food, going to the bathroom, brought cold packs, etc. Robbie needs to be walked 1-2x a day, weather—permitting given the chance to run outside each day, fed, and given mental stimulation. Sally often tries to sneak out of bed to play and work with Robbie, but invariably gets super dizzy and sick from the exertion which doesn’t help anyone. Tack on top of all of that, I also have to keep up with my job, which I do 4 days a week. I’m suddenly left with a mountain of responsibilities that are not usually mine to cope with. I never complain to Sally, and I do my best to never snap at her, but I know she can see how tired I am, and she sometimes feels guilty about it, though we both know there isn’t anything she can do to change it. My Thoughts...
Adam's Advice About Living with a Service Dog to Others in a Similar Situation as Himself
We both hope that this post helps partners everywhere find their voice, initiate open discussion about service dogs, and reveals a bit more of what it's really like to train your own service dog. If you have more questions, please contact Sally through one or more of social media icons at the top of the screen.
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My Name is Sally...I have a condition called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. This blog is about my journey training Robbie, a dog who helped me regain independence, confidence, and achieve the impossible in the face of my disability. It continues on with the training of Austin, Robbie's successor. Check Out... - "More than a Dog" was published on a site called The Mighty Categories
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