Once a year, thanks to one of my best friends, my husband & I get to have a dog-less date night. Truth be told, it only started last year, but I love it and want to continue this tradition. I'm looking forward to this year's night! You probably have questions. What the hell is "dog-less date night?" Is it always the same activity? Aren't I disabled and always in need of my service dog? Isn't it wrong to leave him at home for a night? Is it hard to go out without him? Dog-Less Date NightDog-less date night happens once a year when a local rodeo comes to town. I get as girled up as I can stand (nicer jeans, nicer boots). My husband & I sit close to the sidelines and watch calves get roped, small children flail about on the backs of sheep, horses run barrels, and more. My husband helps me walk and stand safely. We splurge and enjoy a funnel cake together. We watch fireworks, me with earplugs in, occasionally closing my eyes if it gets too bright. It feels like we're dating again. We smile so much. At the end of the night, he helps me collapse in bed because the evening likely triggered a flare, but it doesn't matter because it was a good night out. The dog-less bit? My service dog has the night off. My friend comes over to our house to hang out with him for a few hours. She loves him, and he feels safe with her. Knowing she is with him makes me feel less anxious about being separated from him, even though he would've been fine alone. How It Came to BeThe first time I went to the rodeo was in 2015. It was a pet friendly activity, so we figured it would be ok to take Robbie as a training exercise/date night. Our goals were to heel through crowds closely, look at weird animals calmly from a safe distance, and be exposed to different smells and sounds. It was overwhelming at first, but once we were there for a bit he settled down. He walked through crowds, he met sheep and cows and horses, he observed unruly dogs from a distance. Disabled people were allowed to park close to the ring, so we were able to sit in our truck bed to watch the events. Everything was fine until they shot off fireworks. Fireworks were a noise that we had on our "fix it" list because we knew they were stressful for him. We checked the flyer beforehand, and there was nothing on it about fireworks. If there had been, we would have reconsidered. Well Robbie melted. Eyes rolling around, he was trembling, wouldn't hold commands, and was trying to get away from it all so much that he was pulled against me, causing a flare. It wasn't fair to make him be overwhelmed, so we left early. I realized later that was a bad call, because it reinforced his stress and discomfort, but at the time it felt right. We should have left when the noise stressed him mildly, not waited 20 minutes to see if it would fade, because, well, it didn't. On the drive home, he was stressed, I was upset about having to leave & having date night ripped away from me mixed with feeling guilty and blaming myself for not being a better trainer in the moment, and my boyfriend (now husband) was frustrated at not being able to make it better, having to leave, watching me be upset, frustrated at the dog, but also running through what we could've done differently to help Robbie because he had a bit of trainer brain too. It was a bad night. I made the wrong call and because of it fireworks training continues to be an uphill battle. At that time, I was devastated too because I thought that I would never again be able to go to the rodeo because Robbie couldn't handle it, and it was a place where I needed rock solid support because it is so sensory-powerful. I thought that because I was training my own service dog, that I could never again have a night without training pressure. The pressure to be a good leader and teacher, always. The pressure to get it right. The pressure of training a delicate, precision animal to peak performance. Why I Love It & Let My Team Have ItWhen you sign on to train your own service dog, every outing becomes a potential training exercise, whether you like it, want it, or admit it. Every outing will teach your dog something. If you ignore them, you miss the chance to teach them how to handle the environment around them. If you ask too much of them, you risk backsliding in your training. You have to be alert and ready to leave before they reach their threshold, even if you don't want to leave. If they do get stressed out, you have to weigh staying and waiting it out or leaving quick before it gets bad, then wonder if leaving accidentally reinforced the stress. Spontaneity is gone, because you have to think about how an activity affects your service dog in training. Are they ready for it yet? Will they be around something you know is hard for them? Will they be around something new? Are you prepared to split your focus 50/50? When I went wedding dress shopping, my focus was 60% on Robbie, 20% managing my pain, 10% dress shopping 10% conversation with mother in law. And that was with Robbie being a finished dog, but I had to be alert to strangers moving around us, asking him for help, if he needed anything, and even though he's awesome, I was a little on edge about being around so many expensive dresses. Additionally, I constantly have to be ready for strangers to do dumb things around him. I worked hard to teach Robbie everything that he needs to know. I continue to work hard to keep him sharp, teach him new things that either I need or that will stimulate & challenge him. He works hard to read my cues, do as I ask, problem solve when I can't be clear, and tolerate this crazy world we live in together. I push through pain flares during learning sessions because him learning is more important in that moment. I strive to stay patient when he accidentally hurts me. My husband has worked tirelessly with us to teach Robbie to listen to & respect him as well. He exercises Robbie on my bad days. He drove us two hours on work nights to new locations for a whole year in Robbie's initial training to give him public access training, stranger socialization, general socialization, and more. He agreed to help, but didn't intend to become a dog trainer. But that's exactly what we've both had to become. Robbie just thought he was getting adopted, but he got thrown into a life of high standards, long days, complicated activities, and stimulating environments that many dogs never experience. I spend more hours with Robbie than anyone else in my life. I get tired of him. He gets tired of me. My husband gets tired of Robbie being a jerk to me on Robbie's "screw you, I don't want to work" days. Working with a service dog can be demanding. Training a service dog is very demanding. Being a service dog is demanding. We all deserve a little break from it from time to time. Leaving him at home when the rodeo comes to town allows him to have a night off, he gets to hang out with someone he can relax around & isn't on edge about needing to watching them like a hawk for signs of trouble, and he isn't asked to be around fireworks, which still make him a little stressed out. He doesn't melt anymore, but they aren't his favorite. It gives me & my husband to have a care-free date night, a night where neither of us have to be trainers, and we can focus on us 100%. Does It Mean I'm Any Less Disabled? NO!
I'm a firm believer in not asking Robbie to be around stimuli he can't handle yet or put him in potential danger. I know from experience that if he is struggling, I won't have a good time. There are a lot of activities we turn down because they wouldn't mesh with Robbie or my pain. That's our decision. We turned down the chance to ride on our honeymoon because recently we discovered all our horse training with Robbie has inadvertently created a dog who won't get out from underfoot of hooves. He has no fear of horses - not necessarily a good thing. We have a plan to retrain it, but didn't have the time before we left. Many friends wanted to know why we couldn't just leave him in his kennel in our cabin to go ride, and enjoy ourselves. A lot of reasons. Primarily, if I had fallen, Robbie is the absolute best equipped to get me off the ground safely without causing a flare from helping me, like a person certainly would. Also, we would be asking him to be separated from me in an unfamiliar place. He doesn't have separation anxiety, but he does know that he is supposed to be with me all the time, especially in new places. We didn't want to chance him knowing he had to be with me, and try to get to me. We don't leave him at home alone, ever, because I need his assistance. To do it suddenly could potentially be stressful to him, even though he knows how to be alone at home. We had an amazing time on our honeymoon, even without riding. Rodeo night only comes once a year, and once a year, I let myself and I let my team have a break. Dog-less date night is a thing in our house, and it's something I recommend to other teams who are constantly together. Even during Robbie's off-duty times he is still with me, and has to be a little bit focused on me in case I need him. Dog-less date night once a year gives each of us a night where we don't have to have a split focus or the pressure of upholding the standard.
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My Name is Sally...I have a condition called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. This blog is about my journey training Robbie, a dog who helped me regain independence, confidence, and achieve the impossible in the face of my disability. It continues on with the training of Austin, Robbie's successor. Check Out... - "More than a Dog" was published on a site called The Mighty Categories
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