Day 1 I grew up around horses. When one keeps laying down, experienced horse owners see the truth others miss. Earlier in that day, before our vet recommended retirement, Robbie laid down twice in places and situations where he never would normally, and getting up was slow and difficult. Now, Robbie isn't a horse. Nonetheless, we knew. Getting the news from the vet that his shoulder tendons were basically shot was a gut punch that I knew was coming. I knew something was wrong, and now it had a name. Within 20 minutes, my world got turned upside-down. My independence was gone, my functionality and progress was swept backwards, and I felt immensely vulnerable. Looking down at the floor, my once invincible partner looked gaunt and tired. His world was turned upside-down now too. His purpose swept away. Did he know something was wrong, too? Phase 1 - InsistenceThe plan, of course, was to gradually decrease the frequency of tasks and the overall work load for Robbie as a new dog was trained. Unfortunately, given Robbie's type of injury, continuing to ask him to do task work was not an option for us because it would exacerbate his condition and discomfort. It took a few weeks of trial and error to figure out what would work for Robbie. Initially, he was very insistent upon still doing his job. Which, duh, of course he was, because as far as he was concerned, we went to the vet, like normal, he got an x-ray, and nothing had really changed. On windy days, he stayed close in the yard, and stiffened his muscles as I approached him, in preparation for bracing. I had to thank him without taking him up on the offer. When I fed him and knelt down to scoop his food, he kept trying to side pass into position to help me stand before he ate. I had to say no and get up on my own. We'd be coming or going, and he would prance ahead of me to joyfully swing doors open before I could say anything. He seemed mostly content that retrieve had disappeared. The first time he watched me do laundry alone, his ears perked up, and he watched me carefully. I didn't ask for help. As the days passed, I got quicker at opening doors, found a new way to stand up, and found myself feeling more and more alone in the day to day. Going from relying on someone all the time to not being able to ask for their help, even if for a good reason, is jarring. After about 2-3 weeks, Robbie stopped offering. Phase 2 - IsolationRobbie usually tracks me from room to room. If I worked in the bedroom, he was by my chair. If I was in my office, he was on his mat by my desk or under his table. He liked my husband's office for early morning naps in the sunspot created by a big window, and for hanging out when my husband worked in there. It wasn't his favorite room, though. His favorite room was wherever I was hanging out, because he knew he needed to be ready to help. One day, a few weeks into retirement, a switch got flipped and suddenly now my husband's office was the only place he wanted to be. He didn't look for me. Spending time near me while enjoying a treat lasted for as long as the treat did, and then he booked it back to the office. We spent the whole day separated from each other most days. Occasionally, I would set up a portable desk and work in there with him, but he barely acknowledged me. Getting him to come out for outside playtime or walks was easy enough, but getting him to get up and play games inside or do balance work was like pulling teeth. His spirit wasn't there. I tried asking for small bits of help, like deep cold, and he was too fidgety about flickering lights or flies, like anxieties always simmering below the surface were bubbling up. When I release him, he rushed away to his fortress of solitude. The message was clear. He, too, was sad. He didn't understand. I took away something he loved. Why would he want to be with me at all anymore? Phase 3 - Hermit LifeIn preparation for bringing a new dog into the home, we had to rearrange the bedroom and set up house gates. We set up one around my husband's office, now dubbed, "The Man Cave" due to Robbie's insistence that the room be his place now. The gate remained open, but we did add two of Robbie's beds that aren't puppy proof to the area. We retired Robbie in late July. By early September, he had fully embraced hermit life, but not necessarily in a good way. He still spent most of his days in there. Now there were comfy things, why would he leave? When my friend and her dog came over, he'd automatically recede to the office space, slinking away from being social. When we would go outside, he'd play for a bit and then lay in the sun, not near me, not checking in. This was not my dog. Everything about him began to fade. His coat was turning to gray, from his black face mask, down throughout the streak of deep copper that ran along his spine. His spirit was fading. I had no idea how to bring him back to life. Working with him worked in the moment one day and was a struggle the next. He wasn't asking to snuggle on the bed with us as much, and when he did, he stayed for a moment and then went back to his space of isolation. Occasionally, we would get a tail wag, or a burst of the Malinois during outside playtime. The 3 day rule seemed to be in effect, still, where he would be calm for 3 days and then explode with energy outside. He wasn't interested in playing with me, though, he insisted on being independent. I missed him deeply. We would take him on adventures to the family farm, or to short town runs to animal-friendly stores, and he would be excited at first, then quickly turn mopey and reluctant. Not sure if that was the pain or the mood, or both. Phase 4 - The SparkAugust 31, Robbie stole something, and I could not have been more happy! Weird statement from a dog owner/trainer, but Robbie stealing things is his trademark move for "Hey, I'm bored and I want to do things now!" He hadn't stolen or offered a retrieve on ANYTHING in a month, which was unusual for him, and it was too spectacular to be mad at him. I don't recall what he took, probably a sock or a shoe, but the item wasn't as important as the act. He was coming back to life! He returned to Maligator mode, as well, unfortunately on our house gates. We let him be free in the house during date night on one occasion and discovered he was fine alone as long as he got to wait in the kitchen, in what I call, "Sentry Mode." When I would leave the house briefly, he would automatically wait there for my return. When I'd do things I wasn't supposed to, like carry in wood by hand, he would sit there and monitor me closely. To him, that must have become where he goes to work by being watchful and ready to jump into action. Letting him take up a new job of sentry mode meant he wouldn't try to bite through metal house gates, anymore, so we allowed him this new role. Phase 5 - Acceptance, We Think...Robbie is steadying out. His oddities are less consuming - chasing flies, being worried about flickering lights - and while he loves his man cave, he watches my movements, is asking for snuggles, wants to do things with me, and occasionally follows me when I go to the bathroom or go to cook dinner.
My friend's dog is reliable enough for off-leash playtime with Robbie now, and they had a blast! I think that will really help Robbie continue to pull himself up and forward. Additionally, we are trying to give Robbie more days with my mother-in-law or my husband when he is at home, so that activities are being done with him, but not by me. Limiting my time with him seems to be helping him accept that I'm still here, but that he doesn't need to take charge and be my full time partner any more. Now his man cave is an escape from my SD candidate. That has been quite an adjustment too, but more on that later. I think we'll be okay. Robbie is showing more and more of his rebellious, challenger streak and I'm happy to have it back in our lives. It's who he is, and I love every aspect of him. He's even back to wanting on the bed.
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My Name is Sally...I have a condition called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. This blog is about my journey training Robbie, a dog who helped me regain independence, confidence, and achieve the impossible in the face of my disability. It continues on with the training of Austin, Robbie's successor. Check Out... - "More than a Dog" was published on a site called The Mighty Categories
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